What I Know Now that I Wish I Knew when My Baby was Born

My husband and I waited a few years into our marriage before we decided that we were ready to start a family. When I became pregnant with our first child, I was so excited. I was ready. I wanted to start the adventure that was motherhood, and all it had to offer.

Although it seemed as though the pregnancy went by so slowly, it was time to have the baby before I knew it. Once I was holding my new baby in my arms, the shock hit me that I was responsible for the baby and it was up to me and my husband from there on
 out.

As we left the hospital, I felt relieved to begin our new lives at home, and in fear of how it was all going to play out. My first fear was keeping the baby on a schedule. In the hospital they made me log when the baby ate, how much, and when it went to the bathroom. For the first two months of the babies life, I kept track of the pattern and even considered logging it all in my computer to keep it all straight.

I was frustrated. I felt as though I had failed because breastfeeding wasn’t working. I couldn’t make it work, it was uncomfortable and my milk didn’t come in like it was supposed to. Being a career mom, I didn’t know how long I could make it work, even if it did. After feeling like a failure, I decided to give in and start the baby on formula.

It seemed like at night the baby would cry, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t make her stop. I would rock her, I would sing to her, hold her, pace back and forth and no matter what I did, she wouldn’t stop. Me and my husband would take turns trying to settle her and eventually, after what seemed like hours she would tire herself out. I wondered how women could raise a baby on their own because my husband was my only sanity during her crying sessions.

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