Moving back home is an economic necessity for many single mothers. However, one of the major issues cited by women who have moved back with their parents is that of being treated like a child again by one or both of them.

Some mothers were raised to believe that a woman’s success was measured by how long she could hold a family together and not so much by how she felt about herself or her ability to create her own life. So these moms often feel responsible for what they see as their daughter’s failed
 relationship or marriage. If you try and see things more from your mother’s perspective and understand where it comes from, you will cope more effectively with your current living arrangements.

Here are some more tips to help you live peacefully with your parents:

1. Don’t expect your parents to give up or change habits just because you and the children are now living with them. Insisting that they do so will diminish their own feelings of security and confidence and maybe cause disruption in everyone’s lives. You have the capacity for greater flexibility, and you may need to demonstrate this skill more consistently than will your parents.

2. Remember that your parents’ energy levels are not as high as yours. A trip to the grocery store to buy supplies may be routine for you but might be exhausting for your mother. From simply a fairness perspective, heavy chores should be your responsibility.

3. Help your parents to locate resources that might make their adjustment to this situation easier.

4. Simple gestures can also go a long way toward making life more pleasant for everyone. How about getting up a little early one weekend to make your parents a special breakfast? Why not complete that extra chore that makes the house look especially nice? Have you considered hiring a babysitter and taking your parents to a movie or to some activity that they might really enjoy?

Baby Steps

My baby girl and I were taking a walk to the store today to pick up some vegetables for dinner. We takes walks often, actuallyI made a promise when she was born that everyday we would take a walk together, just her and me. It was an important promise to me and to her not just for
 our health but to make sure that everyday we have our special time together. I am happy to report that I have been pretty good on that promise. The only days we missed our walks are the days when it was pouring down rain, just too darn cold or when, shall I say it, I was just too tired.

I often find myself thinking, “What can I do to be a better mother?” Is there such a thing? So as I am holding her hand, my mind wondered off somewhere to this picture I hold in my mind about what a perfect mother is like.

The Beavers mom comes to mind. She makes her meals from scratch daily, cleans up the house, is there for her children, her clothes are always pressed, her make up is always done perfect everyday. She doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t drink, she takes the kids to Sunday mass and never says a swear word.

Then there is the t.v mom who packs all the kids into her SUV on her carpool day and drops all the kids safely off at school after she gets up at 4:00 am and puts on her make up, packs her kids lunches, double checks to make sure their kids permission slips are signed, their homework is in the bag and their hair and clothes are neat and presentable.

After dropping the kids off she heads out to her job in the busy office, takes a lunch date with her girlfriends, and after work she rushes to the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends for dinner. Magically she makes it to the school like clockwork picks all the kids off, listens to them tell her about their day. The kids put their backpacks on the table while she looks at them in adoration and a raised eye brow suggesting without a word, they do their homework before they head out to play.

Who were you before you held the title, “Mom”? You were a unique person with a unique personality, distinct likes and dislikes, hobbies and quirks!

For first time new moms, its easy to forget who you were before! You look in the mirror and see some unrecognizable woman staring back; a woman with a dirty do, her husband’s huge over sized t-shirt (which is definitely not her color!) too tight tacky bike shorts from the 80’s, and
 smudged mascara underneath her eyes. (oh nope, wait, those are just bags under her eyes from no sleep!)

Ok, I exaggerated quite a bit. Nobody even owns a pair of bike shorts anymore! But most new moms do forfeit many showers and many days of looking beautiful during those first few weeks. It’s easy to neglect your needs when you have a new life you’re fully responsible for. Part of being a mom is putting your baby’s needs and wants first. New moms know if it’s dinnertime and the baby needs to eat, mommy’s dinner gets warmed up in the microwave. If the baby is sick, you automatically cancel your appointment with the personal trainer without giving it a second thought.

So, part of being a mom is putting your baby’s needs and wants first; remember, this doesn’t translate into denying your needs and wants! If you deny your basic needs and wants, you will be unhappy. Motherhood is a very wonderful, challenging, and fun experience! You want to allow yourself to enjoy it. So yes, put your baby’s needs and wants first; but keep it in perspective.

The better you feel about yourself the better mom you will be! So, pamper yourself! Dye those roots. Try new shades of highlights. Indulge in the chocolate dessert. Treat yourself to the spa pedicure. Buy a few new pretty outfits which flatter your postpartum figure.

And most importantly, remember who you were before you became a mom. You are still the same person; only now, you have one extra little person to share your uniqueness with!